It's Cold

I am sitting outside of the second motel we've tried to stay at tonight. It is cold. There is snow here. Snow is cold. It snows here a lot. It's a place that is kinda known for the snow. And the cold.

And the first motel we went to had a heater the size of my Blackberry that was meant to warm the whole room. Now granted, the room was only the size of my laptop, but still.

The man offered us extra blankets. Wow. That’s helpful when it’s 20 friggin degrees in your damn motel room. That one blanket ought to do the trick.

So here we are, at the second hotel. It is warmer, and has a heater the size of a heater, so that is good. They also have two little things up at the office that dispense cereal. Already I am liking this place more.

Tomorrow I do two morning shows. This is the tour of morning shows, apparently. A sick, cruel little joke that the publicity gods are playing on me. Although this time the gods are giving me a break, they are two radio shows. And radio shows don’t require you to be there in person. So I will be doing my scheduled appearances via the telephone. Ahhhh. I think I would be ever so happy to do all my scheduled appearances from my bed. People may get the wrong impression about me though. But what would I care? I’d be in bed. With an extra blanket.

Sac and Co

Here is another show.

I'm thinking that you might not need to watch all these, as I am just saying the same thing over and over again. And I'm even wearing the same shirt every time. I promise I am not wearing that shirt 24 hours a day. Sometimes I take it off for showers.

This is the first time I’ve been able to get on the internet in two days. I unheart the internet situation in BFE places. I have this little wireless internet thingy on the side of my computer. I am paying Sprint a handsome fee so that they can provide me internet via this thingy. I spent the better part of today cursing Sprint and said thingy.

I am better now.

I have found a place on the road that actually has a connection. We just sat for an hour on the side of a road, using internet and loving all technology.

So far things are going smashingly.

We are in Chico today and tomorrow, then up to Oregon. Apparently there is snow in Oregon, so who the hell knows how that part of our adventure may go. Do you suppose there is wireless internet in the snow? I hope.

Yesterday I was on a TV show in San Fran. When I was waiting for my turn I noticed another guy waiting as well. And I noticed the book he was holding. The title is “A Long Way Gone”, I think. I’ve seen the book. It’s in Starbucks. It’s about a child soldier in Africa who was made to fight wars and do inhumane horrible things that shattered his innocence and his soul. The guy holding the book? He was the guy who wrote the book. The show I was about the be on? The same one he was going to be on. The person following the heart-wrenching story of a childhood stolen? Yeah, that would be me.

“Uh, yeah, so I didn’t really kill anyone or have my innocence stolen. BUT! I did once drag my leg 13 miles. Oh, how I’ve suffered.”

Ahem.

Today I was on another morning. Seriously, with the morning shows. I am going to be famous someday. And when I am? I will have a LATE NIGHT SHOW. That tapes LATE AT NIGHT. This morning I was up at 4:45 am. I drove 40 minutes both ways for a 3 minute TV segment. I was back in bed by 8 am. My life has gone off-course.

We are trying to figure out ways to post the different media that I’ve done. Funny thing, I’ve done several 2, 3 and 5 minute segments, and then two hour long radio shows. Quite a difference...

It’s only day two. And I think I’m tired of hearing myself talk...

Good Day Sacramento

First TV Show

We are still trying to get video of the morning show yesterday. In the meantime I do have photos:



Here is a shot of me and the camera truck. The pre-game show, if you will.


This is a pic of all of us looking in the truck at the monitors in there. On those monitors there was a guy ending a high speed chase and getting arrested. I would learn later that my mother was screaming at this man to get arrested quicker because HER DAUGHTER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON T.V. Seriously. Don’t mess with mama Dais.


Two of my friends happened to have yesterday off work and they happened to live near the park where we were filming my segment. So they came on over to cheer me on. They literally rolled out of bed and came over. No make-up. No hair (not in like the Britney No Hair way, but in the “I didn’t even bother” way).


They were standing there smiling and talking and waving and smiling. And then the reporter said, “Do you guys want to be in the segment too?” Smiles gone. “Would you like to be on TV right after you get out of bed?” Because my friends are the kind that get out of bed in the morning on their day off work to come see me at the park they said okay. There was a lot of head shaking and pulling down of visors.



Here I am during the actual segment. I'm running. On TV. In the morning. It went well considering how poorly that combo could have gone.

Here are some pics from a Fleet Feet event I had last night.

The fans, they love me. Look at the laughs.

The fans. A little obsessed. It was bound to happen.

Dream in Motion Video

Dream in Motion

Superstar

I’ve been told by various people that there is a rather big sign announcing my book signing next Saturday at a local Barnes and Noble. I am a very big superstar, they said, because I had such a huge sign.

I went to this store this weekend and was alarmed to see myself staring out the window, announcing my signing to all who passed in front of the store. I was meeting someone at the store, so I was forced to wait outside. While I was waiting people would pass by the store, see the sign and then two feet later see my hiding behind a pole trying not to look like I enjoy spending my Sundays standing beside my own picture.

Then my friend came up and started laughing and pointing, doing a very good job of keeping me inconspicuous. Since there was already laughing and pointing I thought I’d might as well take a picture of the first poster announcing my superstardom.

Then I noticed:

Yeah. My name is not spelled right. Oh how quickly we mighty fall. I know exactly how Britney was feeling this weekend.

The only good part about the whole thing is that I doubt anyone really recognized me from the photo. Let’s just say I don’t exactly go around with quite as much makeup as I have on in the photo. And by “quite as much” I mean “really none at all”.

Until yesterday.

The friend that was meeting me at the bookstore was also taking me to get makeup so that I will perhaps look somewhat presentable on morning television during my various appearances across this great land.

Have I told you about the morning appearances I have to make? I might not have, as I am doing my best to block them out. Why can’t there be local shows on at like midnight? This would fit with my sleeping pattern a little better. And by “a little better” I mean “completely better”. How the fark am I going to not only get my butt out of bed in time for morning television and ALSO be somewhat coherent and maybe a little entertaining on said television? It is going to be a challenge. Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of dealing with me in the AM hours will be happy to attest to this fact.

Anywho, I figured that what I might lack in alertness and sun-shiney brightness I might be able to make up for in 3 or so pounds of makeup attached to my face. This sounds like a plan, right? Right. Well, it’s an expensive plan, I’ll tell you that. My good lord does make up cost a lot of money. Of course it will be totally worth it if the makeup can convince even one home viewer that I am sun-shiney in the morning hours.

I might need to buy extra blush.

And possibly a stunt double.

Home Phone

I am so busy it’s ridiculous. I just got done with my list of work to do today. It is 1 a.m. I will now make a list of the stuff I have to do tomorrow. Days are slipping by, very quickly, as if they are taunting me with how few of them are left before I am forced to know what the hell I am talking about in front of people both live and through the TV. Lord help me.

Today we ordered a video camera for the documentary that we will be shooting as I skyrocket to fame or plummet to defeat. Either way, it might be worth watching. Perhaps in a train wreck sort of way. We shall see.

If the trip goes anything like the camera purchasing went, I feel as though we might be in trouble.

My Camera Guy got on the phone to order the camera. We had to get it ordered by 1 so that we could catch the overnight delivery and have the camera ASAP (funny thing: it’s hard to shoot a documentary without a camera (small but rather significant (and expensive) detail)) I was paying for the camera with my credit card even though I wasn’t the one on the phone. This was all very confusing to the Camera Seller Guys. They did not like that the phone number we were calling from did not match the phone number on the credit card. Then when I got on the phone and told them my phone number they said that was not the right phone number either. Then they rambled off some other phone number. A phone number I’d never heard of in all my days. I happened to be sitting at my desk though, and I looked up at my phone bill and saw that this number he was rambling off was actually my home phone number. I don’t actually use my home phone number for anything other than DSL, so I have no need to know it. The number has never been used on any of the million credit things I’ve ever filled out, but this guy seemed dead set on convincing me that this was my primary number.

My patience level was not up for any further conversation with this man, so I handed him back to Camera Guy. Then the two of them went around and around for another half hour trying to figure out how we could possibly do the impossible task of ordering something and putting it on a credit card. Camera Guy came into my office and said, “He needs to call your home phone to confirm that this is really you.” At this point I lost what some refer to as “my cool”. I think I got “hot”. We had to get this camera ordered and I had purchased my condo in less time than it was taking for this man to process one simple order.

I started cussing quite a bit. Because, you see, I don’t have a phone for him to call. I mean, I think I have one somewhere, I think my mom gave me one. But who the hell knows where it ended up in my “organization” of the house? The “organization” really only consisted of my stuffing things into various cabinets and drawers so that the house looked “organized”. So really, the phone could be in with my spare toothbrushes and salt shakers, for all I know. The only thing I know for sure is that this Camera Sales Guy was a friggin’ moron and it was ridiculous that he had to call a number that is not anywhere on anything having to do with my name or credit cards.

I opened and shut things VERY LOUDLY as I made rational and well-worded expressions of my feelings about this whole process. When I looked up I saw that Camera Guy was gone and was hiding in another room.

A bit later Camera Sales Guy decided that it would be okay if he just called my cell phone. You know, the number that everyone in the world has for me. When he called he said, “Don’t be mad, I’m just trying to do my job.” Future reference Camera Sales Guy: Telling a mad person not to be mad? Pretty much guaranteed to have the opposite effect than the one that you are going for. Just a word to the wise.

Finally, after a rather short conversation, full of nothing but sunshine and love, Camera Sales Guy was able to put our order through. He told Camera Guy that if there were any problems he would, “Call you guys back. I mean I’ll call YOU back, not her.”

Damn straight.

Then we got two receipts and confirmation of two orders being shipped to us, instead only one that we actually ordered and paid for. If we get two cameras, I’m selling one. If the Camera Sales People have a problem with that, they can just give me a call on my home phone.

Tick, Tock

It turns out there is a little bit of planning that goes into a 10-week cross-country book tour/world saving adventure. Geez. Why does everything have to be so difficult? I’m officially in “Making Lists” mode. I am making lists of all the crap I have to do within the next couple of weeks.

1. Figure out what the hell to say at the 5 million different TV/Book Store/Running Events where I am scheduled to speak.
2. Drink Heavily.

My camera guy is here, he has moved into my house and we will begin filming soon. Did I tell you we are filming this whole thing for a documentary? We are. I’m like Ozzy Osborne here, with all the filming. Except with more cussing.

We had an opportunity to get my books in some cool gift baskets next week, so I got in touch with my publisher to see if they could give me the 40 books I needed. They had them at their offices, but I needed to put stuff in the books so that people who receive them know all about the tour/world saving adventures. So I drove down to the offices today and picked them up. And I then I signed them.

My lord in heaven.

I don’t know when it happened, but at some point my handwriting just stopped maturing into that of a regular functioning adult. It must have been circa grade 6 that I stopped any further development of my handwriting skills. I swear to you, my handwriting looks like a drunk, epileptic 4 year old got a hold of a pen and just went crazy (crazier than a drunk, epileptic 4 year old would be already). I try so hard to make my handwriting legible, and it seems that the more I try the more drunk the 4 year old gets.

So I’m sitting there in Kinko’s signing 40 books while offering commentary to my fellow shoppers, “Oh, that one is horrible, just horrible. I hope no one important gets that one.” “Oh, god, I’m actually ashamed of that one.” “Wow, that doesn’t look like anything resembling my name.” “Oh, god, I think the more think about them the worse they are getting.”

I think I need a signature stamp. Sure it’s cheesy, but at least then people would be able to distinguish who actually signed the book. As it is now they are all probably just going to wonder how it is this 4 year old sobered up long enough to write a whole book. And they will admire that little 4 year old’s ability to move beyond her disabilities and train for a marathon...

3. Learn how to write.
4. And probably spell too.

I Heart Mom

My mother called me today.

“Guess what I did today? (guilty giggle)”
“What? (accusatory tone)”
“I went to Barnes and Noble to find your book.”
“Was it there?”
“It was, but it was waaaay in the back of the store and then waaaay up on a high shelf.”
“Yes, well that is where the running section is.”
“Well I think you should be up front.”
“I know you do, you are my mother.”
“I had to get on a stool to reach your book.”
“You are kinda short.”
“AND it was just filed with the other books, it wasn’t even facing forward so you could see the front!”
“Well, there are a lot of books.”
“I took one book and faced it forward on the shelf, so everyone can see the front. Then I took the other one up to the front of the store and put it on a table up there. Dad said I’m not allowed to do that, but I said who is going to stop me?”
“You are a rebel.”
“I was going to put it on the Exciting New Releases table but I thought that might be too bold.”
“Yes, we don’t want to go too far.”
“I’m retired, I could go to every store in the city and do this.”
“Maybe you could set up displays and stuff?”
“And lights! Christmas lights!”
“Yes, that would be classy.”

My mom is my biggest fan. And strangely, she is the only one I will really ever need.

(As long as she really does go store to store and move my books...)

Random Award

Today I got the most random e-mail from a woman who was my 7th grade teacher. She apparently saw the article in the paper about me the other day, went and picked up my book, was halfway through the book and then realized that my name sounded familiar. Then she looked me up in a yearbook and saw that she used to teach me. THEN she e-mailed me to tell me that she is ridiculously random.

How cool is this?

I actually remember this teacher. I liked her a lot. I remember her being very young and very kind. This stood out, because quite frankly, most of my teachers were old and not very nice. Of course by “old” I probably mean they were like 40 (gasp!). And if I actually thought she was young she must have been REALLY young.

Anywho, this teacher was one of many people that contacted me after they read the newspaper article. But she was definitely the most unexpected. And she definitely put the biggest smile on my face.

On another note, I think that the newspaper marks a very clear distinction between my generation and my parents’ generation. And by this I mean my generation doesn’t read the newspaper and my parents’ generation does. Everyone who read the article was of, let’s just say, an older generation. Not OLD necessarily, but not one of my friends contacted me to say they had read the article. They all said, “My mom just called and said you are in the paper.”

This might be something that newspapers should consider a bit alarming. But then again, maybe I just hang out with stupid people and other smart people in my generation are actually reading the paper...that is a very real possibility.

Sac Bee Article

http://www.sacbee.com/107/story/117184.html

Unlikely inspiration
Dawn Dais ran a marathon - slowly. Now she's written a book to help others get active.
By Cynthia Hubert - Bee Staff Writer

Dawn Dais wants to make one thing crystal clear. She is not a running fanatic. Quite the opposite, in fact. She has never jumped out of bed on a Saturday morning, eager to don her spandex and lace up her Nikes. She has never known the joys of the runner's high.

Yet almost in spite of herself, Dais finished a marathon.

And lived to write about it in a funny new book, "The Nonrunner's Marathon Guide for Women" (Seal Press, $14.95, 220 pages), which she'll soon be promoting in her hometown of Sacramento and across the country. In the process, she'll be trying to inspire others to get active and give something back to their communities.

From her home in Natomas, Dais, 29, chatted with The Bee about her adventures.

Q: Reading your account of Marathon Day in Hawaii in 2003, I could seriously feel your pain. Ouch!

A: I can still feel my pain! I mean, what kind of sport is this? It's torture. My knee was killing me. My body just did not enjoy it. But for me, it was never an option not to finish. Too many people were counting on me.

Q: What was your favorite place for training runs?

A: McKinley Park is great, because it's a mile all the way around it. My problem was that every time I would pass my parked car, I wanted to get in and drive away.

Q: Favorite training food?

A: Oh, man. My treats were varied and plentiful. Normally I'm not a big eater, but my appetite was enormous. I would visualize food while running, and I had no guilt about eating while I was training. Doughnuts. Cheesecake. Lots of carbs. It was carbtastic! Maybe that's why I didn't lose a single pound.

Q: But you were buff, right?

A: My ab muscles were amazing! My calf muscles, thighs. All of my muscles looked really good.

Q: Your erstwhile training partner, "Chipper Jen," must have gotten on your nerves a time or two.

A: Oh, it was irritating. So irritating. Jen was so good at this, and I was so bad at it. She loved all of it, and she never stopped smiling and bouncing around. I wanted to smack her.

Q: It took you more than seven hours to cross the finish line in Hawaii, and you seriously messed up your knee. Looking back, was it worth all of the time and misery?

A: Definitely. Everything good that happened to me after that I attribute to the marathon. There was a shift inside of me that gave me a level of focus and confidence that I never had before. Now I know that I can take on just about anything and get it done.

Q: Are you still running?

A: Not long distances. No more than a couple of miles. But I do lots of walking, and I play soccer.

Q: Tell me about your upcoming book tour and charity effort.

A: We're calling it Dream in Motion. I'm going to take off from here at the end of February and will be gone eight weeks. I'll go to various running events and book signings around the country, and I'll try to raise money and awareness for the effort to rebuild New Orleans. I'll also try to motivate others to walk with me as I pass through their cities. In April I'll end up in New Orleans to do volunteer work with Habitat for Humanity.

Q: Sounds pretty ambitious.

A: It is. It will be quite an adventure. I'll probably be very tired of talking about myself by the end of it. But we're going to have fun, and hopefully make a difference.

-------------------

So there you have it, the first of what I’m sure will be just countless articles about me.

Can you feel the excitement?

I’m getting dangerously close to being way too famous for you people.

Ha.

My friend called me today and said that I’m about famous enough that I might want to consider getting a storage facility. That, to me, is hilarious. Cause there are all these famous people (Whitney, Paris, Michael Jackson) who put all their crap in storage and then, oopsie, they forget to pay the bill. And then, oopsie, the storage facility people sell all their crap for like a million dollars. And then the next thing you know we, the public, have even more things we didn’t really need to know thrown at us from websites and (very high quality) tv shows. My good lord.

How difficult is it for people to pay their storage bills, for god’s sake? And don’t they own houses the size of small European nations? They don’t have anywhere on their own damn property where they might be able to keep their private belongings? Really? "Hmmm, wherever should I stash this picture of me with my boobs being fondled? Nope, no room in my dresser drawer, guess it's gotta go to storage!"

So then. I’m in the process of editing my sex tape and I’m also printing up some of my personal photos of me and my meth lab. It was my Christmas card photo last year. Holly jolly.

I was contacted by a local radio show today as a result of the article in the Bee. It’s a tiny show out of Davis, CA, a small town nearby. I’m pretty sure that the fact that I’m hearing impaired and wear hearing aides that like to feedback a screeching high-pitched sound every time something is too close to them might make my radio interview (with headphones) quite interesting. Hearing isn’t that important in radio, right? Right.

Six Degrees of Donating

We've been looking for a good way to collect donations from people who want to donate to the New Orleans area rebuilding effort. I didn't want to give to only one charity, because there are a lot of charities doing a lot of really good work in NOLA. Each one is focusing on a different aspect of rebuilding, whether it be building houses, parks or futures.

I heard about this Kevin Bacon site www.sixdegrees.org. It allows people to make a charity badge and become a "celebrity" for their own causes. This seemed the fasted way for me to become a celebrity AND also a good way to give people an opportunity to support a variety of charities in New Orleans.

Also, Six Degrees is running a promotional thing where the "celebrity" who raises the most money over the next few months will have all their donation amounts matched by Kevin Bacon. So then. Get on that donating people. Let's empty Bacon's bank account.